From My Soapbox: New Mom Survival Tips (read with caution / open mind / minimal judgement / a crispy diet coke)

As a new mom, I can totally see how other women are so quick to give you their advice and tell you what to do, because it doesn't take too long to find out what works for you, and once you do, you are SO happy you've found something that works!!! But in talking with my pregnant friends, or moms newer than me, I've tried to remind myself that what works for me and my baby may not work for them, or their baby. It's just a suggestion, or an option, not The One and Only Right Way to Do This Thing. That being said, here are my New Mom Survival Tips. The things that work so well for me and have saved me from exhaustion, insanity pain and all the etceteras. They may by some chance also work for you, or may seem like they're worth trying, maybe.

1. (If you're breastfeeding) MASTER THE SIDE-LYING POSITION - okay pause. First let me just say: I had my heart set on breastfeeding LONG before I got pregnant. It's something I personally wanted for myself and my babies. It's a conscious decision I made. My opinion, though, is that I don't care how you're feeding your baby, as long as you're feeding your baby. I don't want this to sound like I think breastfeeding is The One and Only Right Way to Feed Your Child, although I am a HUGE advocate for breastfeeding and all the benefits you can get from it! But I have also seen in so many women that I know personally and love, that breastfeeding isn't always going to work out, and yes, even breastfeeding isn't always the right choice for a particular child/mother/circumstance. And I so agree. So feed your babies however you want (you're the mother, and mother knows best!), but know that I, personally, currently, with my baby, am all about breastfeeding, and that's where this tip comes from.

unpause.

I am SO GLAD that breastfeeding has worked out. And it has worked out well. The only problem was, I found out very quickly how easy it was to have atrocious posture while nursing. And I paid for it! I had such terrible shoulder and back pain from nursing that I would dread it and beg for Devin to rub my shoulders almost every night. Also, I'm sure you've heard this about 24,546 times by now, but if you are breastfeeding, it will feel like it's all you ever do. Because it will basically be all you ever do. And aside from the fact that breastfeeding all the time means you are literally breastfeeding ALL the time (even when you're tired and wish you were sleeping!), it is tiring in itself! (Breast milk has a hormone called cholecystokinin which causes sleepiness in baby and mother!)

SO: I learned how to nurse laying down. AND IT SAVED MY LIFE. This was a position we had gone over briefly in my breastfeeding class, and once I remembered it and practiced it, it became my favorite way to nurse. It saves so much energy to lay down, and is super comfortable. Plus, it's a huge bonus that Maylin happens to be a really sleepy eater, and will nurse herself to sleep at almost every single feeding, so when we're already laying down, it makes it easy to just leave her there (in my bed - she can't roll yet, so we're safe!) instead of trying to move her into her bassinet or crib, and risk waking her up. I know I said at the beginning, that I wasn't going to shove my advice down your throat, but if you are breastfeeding / wanting to breastfeed, LOCK THIS DOWN. It's wonderful.

2. Take a breastfeeding class from not the hospital. I've heard only bad things about the breastfeeding classes at the hospital, which is the only reason why I say to take one from somewhere else. But not just anywhere else: Lactation Link. If you plan to breastfeed (even if you aren't set on it, but want to try it out at least), TAKE A BREASTFEEDING CLASS. No amount of Pinterest articles can replace it. Lindsey Shipley is a certified IBLCE lactation consultant, worked as a Labor & Delivery Nurse for 5 years, and has two kids. She has experience in every area that matters for breastfeeding, and that was a huge bonus to me. I'm sure there are a lot of really great classes out there, but Lindsey's is the one I took, and I will sing her praises for the rest of my life! She teaches in person in Highland, UT, but you can also buy her video courses online and watch them any time. She has a few different ones - I took Breastfeeding Basics. I also recommend following her on instagram (@lactationlink) because she is constantly posting tips, ideas, facts, and other useful information, and if you comment with a question, she will reply to you with an answer 100% of the time. She is so knowledgeable, so sweet, so experienced and gives you TONS of information. I took at least 10 pages of notes when I went to her class (she provides a note sheet but it's not nearly big enough, so take a notebook!) and I loved it so much.

I left the two hour class feeling SO excited to breastfeed, so CONFIDENT in my decision and ability, and so much more prepared. After Maylin was born, I had learned how critical it was that we nurse within the first hour, and maybe 20 minutes after she was born, we tried, and she latched right away and nursed for 30 minutes. It was amazing. Maybe Maylin is an angel (she is, who am I kidding). Maybe I'm superwoman (much more questionable), or maybe going into it with the confidence I had gained from that class is what made it such a good experience (ding ding ding!), but we have had SO MUCH SUCCESS breastfeeding and I completely attribute all of it, ALL OF IT, to Lactation Link. I would recommend it to everybody. Several women even took their husbands (and I totally agree that it's important for your husband to learn this stuff, too, because you'll need the help and support!).

3. Leave your house sometimes, but on your terms. Even if it was just to go for a drive, I needed to GTFO of my house. The days really blended together for me in the beginning and all of the sudden, I had gone days without showering OR changing my clothes. I am such a major homebody, and I also had a lot of post partum anxiety, so the thought of leaving the house with a newborn would stress me to tears. I had to do it on my own terms, when I was comfortable. It took some time, but it was worth it, and it wasn't too long before weekly walks at the park were the thing I looked forward to most on my maternity leave. Maylin is 3 months old now, and I still get anxiety about being away from home with her for too long, so really, this one takes a lot of time, but it's so necessary. And it will totally help build up your confidence as a mother!

4. Take everything (EVERYTHING) day by day, moment by moment. This one is hard to "advise" others on, because everyone is so different and everyone is going to parent so different, but what has worked out SO WELL for us is to "go with the flow". We haven't put any pressure on Maylin at all to be on a specific schedule (some kids need structure, others might not!). We let her create her own. Listen, babies are super intuitive creatures. They get it. They know what they need. They are figuring all this out, just like you are, but they are smart. Maylin has slept through the night since she was born (for the first two weeks, I was setting alarms to wake her up and feed her, because we were focused on getting her back up to her birth weight, based on advice from my doctor, so don't freak out.) Anyway, she's slept through the night since day one, which I don't take any credit for. That's just some magical miracle fluke that I will never take for granted! She also naps like clockwork. None of which was warranted by Devin or I. We just let her do her thing, and it's worked out perfectly. I know that some people say their babies get their days and nights mixed up, which is why this is a sensitive thing to advise others on, but just letting Maylin do what she wanted and paying close attention to her body language (you learn so quickly what your baby does and how they act when they are tired or hungry or uncomfortable) ended up being what worked best for us.

Also, taking things day by day. Meaning stop freaking out about the future, and I don't mean "the future" like, 10 years from now (but also, don't freak out about that), I mean stop freaking out about tomorrow, or tonight, or the next feeding. Stop freaking out about the unfolded laundry, or what you'll make for dinner. Just calm down and focus on what's going on RIGHT NOW. You'll be so much more effective if you focus on the moment. Everything with babies takes time. It's easy to get caught up in worrying about babies, especially when you're seeing what's going on with other babies their age. Why isn't my baby laughing already? Why isn't my baby rolling over yet? Why isn't my baby sleeping through the night? But it really makes a difference to just STOP. And think about what is happening at moment. Which leads us to...

5. STOP COMPARING YOUR BABY TO THE OTHER BABIES. Ooooooh my gosh. I am laughing / rolling my eyes at myself as I write this because even I can't take my own advice here. It's SO HARD. SO. HARD. This isn't new information to anyone. Hello, it's 2016. We are all well versed in how bad we suck at making ourselves feel like crap because we keep comparing our lives to others'. We live in a world where everyone portrays their lives on social media, and they do it the way they want to. Sometimes, it's the full truth, sometimes it's mostly good stuff but a few "tbh" posts sprinkled throughout, sometimes it's complete BS. IT IS SO EASY to get caught up in comparing. Chances are, you'll follow SEVERAL other moms out there whose babies are about your baby's age. And even more with babies who aren't the same age as your baby, but you will still find yourself comparing to. And it will stress you out to no end, cause unwarranted tears, and make you feel like an utter failure. It will. And it's so hard to avoid. And I would be honestly shocked if I ever met someone who successfully avoided comparing their life to someone else's in the 21st century. The post partum hormones are not your friend, especially here. But just for pete's sake PLEASE do not think less of your child, less of your parenting ability, or less of yourself as a human being just because @girlyouwenttohighschoolwith delivered a smaller baby than you and @yourcousinswife 's little girl is already laughing, even though they are a month younger than your kid. THIS IS SO DUMB. If you really think about it, IT IS SO DUMB. Every. Single. Baby is SO different. and SO UNIQUE. That comparing is a serious waste of time (and emotion!). It's a coincidence that someone you know had a baby around the same time as you, and that's the end of it. It's not the Universe's way of throwing you into a competition against that person to see who has the cutest, smallest, most well developed baby. I promise you. There is no good to come from picking them apart to make yourself feel better, or stalking their feed to make yourself feel worse (I need to tattoo this on my phone-scrolling thumb, so I can be better at this!). Just relish in the fact that you have the cutest baby in the world (you're totally biased, but that's sort of the point. I mean, you're right, aren't you?!) and that baby is AN AMAZING MIRACLE YOU GREW INSIDE OF YOU.

This post was long. And it was written entirely from my soap box. My soap box formed solely on the whole three and a half month's worth of experience (read: not a lot of experience, really) I have. So take what I say with a grain of salt, but maybe it will help?! I'm taking my chances, here.