Remember how in the movie Social Network, we all found out that Facebook began as a "hot or not" list? So lame, right? It honestly hasn't strayed too far from it's roots in it's near 10 years of owning our souls (and I mean that literally, because have you ever tried to delete your Facebook account? You need, like, the President's Signature to get out. It's impossible). I'm not on Facebook very much anymore, but I'm going to share my main reasons for why I'm probably your Facebook friend, no sugar coating, and I bet your bottom dollar I'm not the only one!
A disclaimer: no offense. i have nobody specific in mind for any of these.
#1: If we are family.
If you are in my immediately family, or my husband's immediately family, I am friends with you on Facebook because I love you and I like seeing and hearing about your life through the interwebs. Devin and I live 35 minutes away from our nearest family members, so it's nice to have social media to keep us in the loop.
If you are in my or my husband's extended family, I am friends with you on Facebook because I probably feel a little obligated (this is only sometimes the case, not always, because I legitimately like most of you), and I see you even less often, like usually only for holidays and special occasions, and since Facebook is usually used to display bigger, more news-worthy moments of people's lives, it's a good way for us to stay in the loop with each other.
If you are related to me or my husband in a really distant, weird way, I'm friends with you because I feel obligated, or I'm weirdly interested in keeping tabs on you (which means you're either in a downward spiral, you have adorable children, a really cool job/hobby... something like that.)
#2: If we are friends.
I'm friends with you on Facebook because we are actual friends.
#3: If we went to High School together.
I'm friends with you on Facebook because we've managed to stay friends through the weirdest years of our lives, or your life has seemed interesting enough for me to stick around and see how it all plays out (which means you're either in a downward spiral, you have adorable children, or a really cool job/hobby. And sometimes it's because you have great fashion sense).
#4: If I know you in a weird way, but we don't really know each other that well.
I'm friends with you on Facebook because your posts are entertaining.
#5: If we are enemies.
I can't think of any of my Facebook friends that I would actually consider an enemy, but if they're on there, it's because they are in a downward spiral and I want to watch.
#6: If you're a friend of a friend.
I'm friends with you on Facebook because sure, why not.
#7: If we grew up together, or you are my neighbor.
I'm friends with you on Facebook because I love you and I miss being 10 years old and seeing you every week at church, and didn't even realize it until I grew up. I'm talking to you, young women leaders, lifelong neighbors, old babysitters, et cetera.
#8: If we aren't friends, but you are friends with or know my husband.
I'm friends with you on Facebook because I'm flattered that you want to be Facebook friends, and we have something in common: we both think my husband is awesome. And also Devin knows so many cool people, and I want to know them, too.
#9: If you have any level of fame.
I'm friends with you on Facebook because I'm cooler for it, and I probably wish we were friends in real life.
#10: If you are not an actual human being.
I'm friends with you on Facebook because I am so glad you're on Facebook and I think you are awesome. I'm looking at you Moses Lee Ashby and Cal Culator Watch!
Did I get through that without upsetting anyone? Good. Carry on, Hump Day.
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