My Daily Routine

I love knowing the products and routine other girls use on a daily basis, so here's my version. I'm going to do my best to not turn this into a product review. My daily routine usually takes about 15-20 minutes, and this is what I do! :

WASH | first thing i do is wash my face with philosophy purity cleanser. makeup goes on so much better over clean skin. in a perfect world, i would do this every night and day, but on lazy days (the majority of the time, probably), i use an up & up brand makeup removing wipe instead, sometimes followed by an exfoliating cleansing wipe, but I always try and start out fresh faced. 

MOISTURIZE | i use the up & up brand dual action moisturizer. i've been dealing with psycho hormones lately so my skin is not my friend, and this moisturizer is acne fighting so, i slather it on my face and neck (moisturizing your neck is an important step in anti-aging. your 50 year old self will thank your 20-something year old self, i promise) i usually let my skin dry a bit after this, otherwise my foundation will just slip on top of any moisturizer that hasn't been absorbed, and i'll look like i never put makeup on in the first place.

PRIMER | When I feel like using primer / have the time, I'll usually dab some Benefit POREfessional in problem areas, or all over my whole face if I need long wearing makeup that day. I give this a minute to set before moving on to the next product.

FOUNDATION | right now I'm using Maybelline Fit Me Matte + Poreless foundation. i apply my foundation with either a sigma f80 flat top kabuki brush or beauty blender - i've been going back and forth lately, and they both apply absolutely flawlessly. the last couple of weeks, i've started with a dime-to-nickel size amount of foundation on the back of my hand, and go in with a very sheer layer, applied by my f80, then go back with any extra foundation on a beauty blender to add extra coverage to problem ares, or to even my skin tone further.

CONCEALER | next i go in with two concealers, both are maybelline fit me concealer (in "light" and "fair") one matches my foundation exactly, to cover up blemishes and redness, and the second is about one to two shades lighter, which i use for under my eyes, bridge of the nose, forehead and chin. lately, i've been strictly using my beauty blender for this step, but i also love the sigma f86 tapered kabuki, it blends so well. for under eye concealer, i apply it from the corner of my eye, down the side of my nose then up and out toward my temple, in a triangular shape. It's made a huge difference to take it up to my temples, instead of just the outer corner of my eye. It brightens the entire face better.

POWDER | because i have oily skin, i always set my entire face with powder. i typically don't use anything other than bare minerals (i use the shade "fairly light") with the bare minerals powder brush. because bare minerals is meant to be worn as a foundation by itself, it gives me the extra coverage i want with my skin right now and truly sets everything and keeps it all in place. about a month ago, i ran out of bare minerals and picked up the nyx mineral matte setting powder, and even though it's meant to be just a setting powder, i feel like it gives me a little extra coverage, too.

BRONZE / CONTOUR | depending on what i'm going for, i'll either bronze or contour my face. i use benefit hoola bronzer (you already know) and the nars ITA brush for both. the shape of the brush and the density of the hairs are what make it so perfect for contouring, but to bronze, i just turn it on it's side and use it long ways instead. (this brush is notorious for being eternally sold out everywhere, and it's also freakin expensive. i've seen similar looking brushes all over ulta, so look for anything with that long skinny shape and you'll get the same results, i'm sure) i always get my temples lightly, to even out the color added to my cheeks, and i always contour my nose slightly, by going down the sides of my nose. sometimes i grab a small blending brush and blend a bit right under my lower lip, this makes your lips look fuller, but i typically do this after lipstick or lipgloss.

BLUSH | right now, i keep reaching for nyx "pinched" blush or Milani "romantic rose" and they're both SO pigmented, you need hardly anything! i dust that on the apples of my cheeks with a bare minerals blush brush (that i've been wanting to replace with something better).

HIGHLIGHT | i don't highlight every day, it depends on how oily i'm feeling, haha! but if i do, i use the tiniest amount of the balm's mary lou-manizer or lorac TANtalizer baked bronzer, and a sigma f35 tapered highlighting brush on the upper part of the apples of my cheeks, a little on my nose, chin and forehead and call it good.

EYESHADOW | regularly, i don't do a full lid of eyeshadow, but i've started to feel incomplete without something, so i'll go in with a sonia kashuk 109 blending brush (which i honestly like more than the sigma e40) and a little bit of hoola bronzer or makeup geek "frappe" to just carve out my lid a little bit. on average days when i do a little more, it's usually a few shadows from the lorac unzipped palette. i tend to stick to neutrals, especially day-to-day. i don't usually give myself time in the morning to experiment with eyeshadow, haha!

BROWS | i've been all about anastasia brow wiz for over a year now, but my sister in law got me the dip brow and it's all i've been using since she gave it to me! i use the anastasia brow brush and fill in my brows, then blend them out with the spoolie on the other end (if i'm not in a rush, i'll put a little highlight on my brown bone to define them a bit more). I've finally found a method that works for me! My brows struggle, and I'm in the process of trying to grow them back and thicken them a little bit, but still maintain a non-caveman shape. I start with the tail end of my brow that arches downward, and fill this in darkest and thinnest, then i draw lines along the top and bottom of the inner part of the brow that arches upward, and fill in / buff out the middle. Ever since I started doing it this way, I haven't had a bad brow day.

MASCARA | i curl my lashes first with an old revlon eyelash curler and then go right in with either benefit they're real mascara or maybelline pumped up colossal mascara - love them both. i try to use my maybelline one more often because it's a fraction of the cost but benefit's is just soooo perfect. it applies flawlessly every. single. time. i feel like when i use benefit, my lashes are so fluffy, and i love that look, but the maybelline mascara elongates and separates the lashes perfectly every time.

LINER | right now i'm using the loreal eyeliner and i don't love it, but it's what i've got. i typically just line my water line, but on days that i'm not already running late at this point, i'll take makeup geek eyeshadow in corrupt (black as night, i tell you) and any angled eyeliner brush and push it into my lash line on the outer corners instead. then i'll go over my bottom lashes with loreal voluminous mascara. i also like lining my top lid when i have the time with a sonia kashuk 108 angled eyeliner brush and maybelline gel liner in blackest black. i have hooded eyes so the wing or the cat eye are basically impossible, but I like the line to start thin near the inner corners of my eyes and gradually get thicker toward the outer corners of my eyes.

LIPS | i put chapstick on my lips after i brush my teeth, and i usually don't put lipstick on in the morning with the rest of my makeup, because i'd rather kiss my husband goodbye, but on days when i remember, i'll take it in the car and do it at a stoplight. i don't like to wear bold lips to work, because i'm just not that brave, haha but i love any subtle pinky-nude shade. most of my lip products in rotation right now are nyx or gerard cosmetics. the shades i typically wear during the week are nyx "tea rose", colour pop lippie stix in "lumiere" or gerard cosmetics "buttercup".

SET | on long days, when I know i want my makeup to last, I will spray Urban Decay All-Nighter setting spray. It's so amazing! It's like hairspray for your face, you can feel it stick (not in a bad way), and you know that makeup isn't going anywhere!

14 Weeks

really loving this little bump, even if it only shows up after dinner. heart eye emojis forever.

+ today i'm 14 weeks and 5 days pregnant (i really do mean to do these earlier each week...)

+ none of my apps agree on the baby's size this week, but from what I gather, it's about the size of a LEMON or a clenched fist.

+ i think i'm officially over morning sickness! i have lost weight so far in the pregnancy (not bragging because even I was shocked, and it's not obvious at all, haha), and my doctor has been concerned with my eating, but Devin assured her he would make sure i'm eating every meal (which I am, I swear). I have had such a small appetite so far, but food was making me sick, so hopefully now that I'm feeling better, I can focus more on eating enough and eating right instead of just whatever I can manage to keep down! my appetite has still been my biggest issue, even though i'm not feeling sick anymore.

+ i switched my prenatal this week finally and it's been like night and day! i am pretty sure the one i had been on was making me sick, because i always felt a little nauseous about twenty minutes after i would take it, but devin picked me up some gummy vitamins at the grocery store last week and life is good.

+ we are getting closer to finding out the gender! we've planned a big party with both our families where we'll announce to them, although we plan on finding out during the appointment. devin said the other day that he's thinking maybe he wants us to wait until the party, but i told him he'd have to try harder to convince me! devin thinks it's a girl, i have zero motherly intuition, but am also leaning more toward girl (probably because of devin), and most our family and friends think it's a girl, too, although it seemed we had more boy guesses at the beginning. 

+ this weekend was general conference, which is always anticipated! even more so this time, because by october, when it's time for conference again, it will be my due date (which is October 1st)! i'm hoping i've got a newborn to snuggle during conference next time, but it's totally possible I'll still be pregnant, ha! Devin and my sister's husbands all had a guy's weekend in Ogden, which they planned several weeks ago completely on their own (usually, it's us girls wanting some time together, not the other way around!) which meant my sisters and I had a big girls weekend, and it was exactly what we all needed. we did some shopping, went to dinner, stayed up until 2am telling embarrassing stories, talking about marriage and watching movies, and in the morning we had a big delicious breakfast before we all went home. time with my sisters is seriously chicken soup for the soul, i tell you. they get me like nobody else and our relationship is unique to any other friendship i've had and that makes it so important to me. I can't believe we will all be moms soon (even though kayla has a 14 month old - but kelli is due in June!)

+ this week i've started getting the post-dinner bump! haha in the morning, i don't look pregnant at all, but i get progressively bigger throughout the day, and about an hour or two after eating dinner, i look further along than just 14 and a half weeks! i love it. i feel like i'm finally starting to connect and bond with my baby, which is something i was really stressed about the last few weeks. i think it will get a lot better once we know the gender and i start feeling movement, which won't be much longer!

13 Weeks

when devin and i were trying to decide what photo to post to announce the pregnancy, we had a few ideas and tried them all out! ultimately, we both loved the carabiner picture, which we ended up using, but this was one of my other favorites, as cheesy and overdone as it is! And I'm a crazy dog mom, so of course I had to incorporate cooper somehow in some of these!

+ today I'm 13 weeks, 5 days

+ still no bump, but i'm getting anxious! i think i've begun that "in between" stage women talk about, where you don't look pregnant, but you've got some extra bloat, and your clothes just fit awkwardly, and nothing looks or feels right!

+ baby's as big as a PEACH

+ second appointment was this week! we weren't supposed to go in until 14 weeks, but my doctor is out of the office that day. we had the option of seeing someone else in her office, but opted to move it up a few days so we could see her. She's just so great. If anyone is looking for a new OBGYN, Pediatrician, or family doctor (she does it all!) go see Dr. Shelley Savage at Grandview Family Medical Center in Orem/Provo (she's right on the hill on state street). Dr. Robinson in her office is who we dealt with during my miscarriage, and he was so great, I'd recommend him, too, if you'd rather see a male Doctor, but man, that Shelley! She's the greatest. She feels like a friend, and she doesn't make anything weird or uncomfortable. She never makes me feel dumb for asking all these stupid first time, overly worried mama questions. I'm sure it's this way with most doctors, but when I feel like freaking out, and's she's just calm and collected, it reminds me that all this is normal, and she knows what she's doing! She's delivered hundreds of babies, so I totally trust her. She is so easy going, I just love her. ANYWAY... this week's appointment wasn't very exciting. We got to hear the heartbeat again, which is my favorite sound in the world! It was at 152, which is perfect. And we also set our appointment to find out the gender for just a few weeks away! We are so excited for that!

+ my appetite hasn't changed much from the very beginning... i don't have hardly any appetite at all, so when something sounds even just kind of good, i'm all for it! i've been worried that i'm not eating enough or getting enough nutrients to the baby, just because i'm hardly eating. smells have also still been really strong and mostly bad haha. i try and eat cold foods so i don't have to smell anything, and devin's been so patient with my eating habits over the last three months, he is the greatest to put up with so much from me!

+ i'm pretty uncomfortable. and i know this lack of comfort will change and be different when it's about my size, but for now, it's more just that something is definitely different and i just don't feel the same. i don't feel like myself. throughout the year as we tried for a baby, i remember trying so hard to pay attention to my body and catch on to small cues and symptoms and never felt like i could. i didn't feel like i was very "in tune" - but i think something changed because i've started to notice every little thing, and i'm happy for that! i've been having some round ligament pain, and that's been real fun, and that commonly continues through the 2nd trimester, so I guess I'm in for it! I'll take this over feeling like i'm about to puke any day, though!

+ thought i was done with the morning sickness, but thursday, i was hit with one (hopefully) last, huge, wave of stomach flu-esque nausea. Probably just because the first trimester wanted to leave me with something to remember it by. how sweet. 

The Worst Critic

My sister in law posted a photo on her instagram account over the weekend and it had the best caption i've read in a long time. She talked about how after the picture was taken and she looked at it, she immediately started criticizing herself and listing off a bunch of reasons why she'd never post that picture online. Then she realized that was a terrible reason to not post a picture of a sweet moment with her little family. She mentioned that the things she says to and about herself? She would never say that to somebody else - so why is it okay to say it to herself? I loved that!

It's so, so hard to go through any social media feed and not compare your life to somebody else's. And even though we all say it all the time, it's still hard! But I think if we make a small effort, every day, we'll all feel a little bit better. I know there's a lot going around about women needing to support and love other women - but we also need to support and love ourselves, too!

So here's me, making an effort!

Over a year ago, I threw out my birth control, and Devin and I began trying to get pregnant. A few weeks later, my skin broke out worse than I had ever had (including my puberty years!) - and after the switch to no birth control, followed by pregnancy, followed by miscarriage, followed by another pregnancy - my skin hasn't seen much improvement and I have been so self conscious about it ever since. My hormone levels were all over the place and they took it out on my skin! I hate the way I look, I hate the acne scars on my face that never seem to go away, or even get covered by my foundation, and I hate that I am still breaking out on occasion. So it's hard for me to even be at home without makeup, because I am so self conscious about it - posting these pictures (even with a b&w filter!) is a big deal to me!

But I would never, ever, look at another girl with skin problems and tell her the things I tell myself as I put my makeup on in the morning! So... why do I say those things to myself? For every flaw I can find in myself, I could probably also find something cool or unique, if I cared to try! Couldn't we all? That's the point! What a waste of time and emotion to tear ourselves down like that.

We are our own worst critics. The time I spend standing in front of the mirror worrying about the tiny details of how I look? Yeah, other people probably won't even notice those things that I spend all day being self conscious about. Because guess what?! Nobody cares as much as you do, or as much as you think they do! And not in a mean way, that's just the way it is. It honestly makes me feel better!

And all the things we all know about social media, but tend to forget the second we see another post that gets a rise of envy out of us: nobody has a perfect life. Not your little sister, not your favorite fashion blogger, not even the celebs you follow. They don't.

But we don't use social media to showcase our flaws! How many selfies do you think that girl took before she got one she felt comfortable posting? And how long do you think she spent in a photography app editing that image before she posted it?! You think her house is always clean?! I doubt it, but I bet she spent all morning cleaning it, and was so happy and proud that she took a picture to document it. Those are the things happening in the moments before that picture is posted that we all do, but don't show. I know I'm that way, so why would I be the only one? I'm not! There's no way!

The point is... we need to be nice. To each other. And to ourselves.

Amen.

Weeks 9-12

last year, when we started trying for a baby, i started a journal, and have stayed very diligent in writing about everything. i wanted to share a recap of what i remember and wrote down about these earlier weeks, so here are some summaries, week by week.

9 WEEKS | I felt so far along! I had never been this pregnant before, haha! The nausea was still going strong, and I was starting to notice that maybe I had had a pregnancy craving: a roasted chicken casear salad from Paradise Bakery! I had eaten this for lunch at least twice a week for the last month, haha! I'm glad it was a salad, and not like, a giant burger and frieS (although, nothing satisfied me like JCW's a couple times!), but it was funny to notice how picky I had become about food.

And smells! Ooooh my gosh, smells. Everything smells strong. And everything stinks. Some nights, I would slather peppermint oil under my nose just so I could sleep because the smells from dinner in the house were keeping me up, but the oil would make my nose so cold, and that kept me up, too! So we've been lighting a lot of candles at our house lately!

Toward the end of week 9, we told our parents we were expecting! We went on a triple date to dinner, and I showed them the ultrasound photo! Devin's parents were shocked, but my parents had a hunch that's what the night was all about! I thought I had been so sneaky, but they saw right through me! My mom had been onto me for WEEKS! She would question every baby thing I would pin on pinterest (even though I pin baby stuff all the time!), but they were so excited nonetheless. It was so fun to tell them!

We also told our siblings that night and the next morning, and then slowly started telling friends. We also found out Sean and Chloe were having a BOY during this week! Yay!!! So far, we've had mixed guesses about what people think we'll have. All of the gender predictions say I'll have a boy, but almost everyone thinks it will be a girl. I honestly don't have a preference, I'll take either!!!

 

unrelated photo, but we actually bought this onesie several months ago while we were still trying, before the miscarriage, even. Devin is a die hard Pearl Jam fan, and he converted me quickly! 

10 WEEKS | We finally had our first appointment!!! It seemed like it took forever to get to 10 weeks, and I was so excited about finally seeing my doctor, I love her! I didn't even think about the fact that they would be drawing blood until the night before, so I was actually mostly nervous.

My stomach was in knots knowing they would be drawing at least 4 viles of blood. During my miscarriage, I had my blood drawn a LOT. Every few days, they would draw a vile, and at one appointment, they took 2 and I nearly fainted. So I knew 4 would send me over the edge, and even just typing this is making me feel queasy!

We spent the beginning of the appointment talking to the nurse and doctor, asking ridiculous questions that I'm sure she rolled her eyes at, and then we got to hear the heartbeat. It probably took her 3 or 4 minutes to find it, which is a LOOOOOONG time. I was so nervous and scared, I was sure she was going to tell me something was wrong. This was too good to be true! But right as I was about to say something, I heard the little thump thump thump and both Devin and I began smiling ear to ear! Dr. Savage was so funny, giving the baby a hard time for giving her a hard time. (See what I mean by this kid is already a stinker!?) But oooooh my goodness. That heartbeat is the most magical, beautiful sound in the world. She let us listen as long as we wanted and even let Devin record the sound, and I have listened to it multiple times a day ever since. It really is the sweetest most amazing noise! Baby's heartbeat was at 175! So strong! This was the best day ever.

at 11 weeks, baby was the size of a lime!

11 WEEKS | I started sleeping with a pregnancy pillow. The one I have is boppy brand and comes with 3 parts you can velcro together. I have just been using the long part that goes between my knees and I sleep so much more comfortably with it! It's so soft!

By this time, I was starting to get really uncomfortable. Still nauseous, not feeling like myself, and starting to get depressed about not loving this pregnancy. I wanted so badly to be one of those girls that just beamed about it, loved every minute, and felt so connected to her little babe, but I just wasn't any of those things and it made me really sad and frustrated. I had tried for so long to get here, and not loving it made me feel like I was being ungrateful. I guess it's just different for everyone, but it was hard to feel that way! I held out hope knowing that all this could change by the second trimester!

At this point, I wasn't showing at all, but sitting in a desk all day at work, mixed with bloating, mixed with nausea and a stretching uterus, with my jeans pushing up against it all basically meant jeans were starting to work their way out of my wardrobe and I bought 1 pair of maternity jeans (comfy, but almost accentuate my non-existent bump that's actually just bloat that mostly just makes me look bad...) and 1 pair of maternity leggings. I'm wearing almost all regular clothes, still though (with the exception of those two pants).

This week, Devin was on a looooong school trip, and I hated not having him at home. I also had my first crazy pregnancy dream! My mom and I went on a double date to Ernie's (you know, the little sports deli in Orem?). Her date was Blake Shelton, and mine was Luke Bryan. I don't even like Luke Bryan! And he was even a jerk in my dream! ha! I also had another dream where Devin and I were babysitting Will & Kate's princess baby. Yeah, it was a girl (is she pregnant with a girl right now? I don't even know). Oh, and Kate Middleton wasn't Kate Middleton, Blake Lively was Kate Middleton... she was the sweetest person! haha

I also became pretty convinced my prenatal vitamin is what's been making me feel so sick! I'll be switching next week to something different, and hopefully that will help!  I took this entire week off from Momentum Athlete, just from feeling so sick and not wanting to push it. I decided I'd pick up again in the second trimester, banking on the chance that I'd be feeling better by then!

12 WEEKS | We started getting very anxious to tell people and publicly announce the pregnancy! We had resolved to wait until 13 weeks, knowing I may actually only be 12 weeks, which is when most people announce. It was getting so hard, and we started thinking what could it hurt?! So we posted our announcement on Instagram and Facebook at 12.5 weeks!

The nausea had started to settle down by this point, but it is still there! Our next appointment is on the 31st, and we get to hear the heartbeat again! I am so excited, I loved the last doctor's appointment and they're just going to get more exciting as I get further along! I can't believe we're only a month away from finding out the gender!

Devin has been a DREAM. He has put up with SO much. My moody hormones, my crazy appetite, my sleeplessness, my nausea... he knows how bad smells bother me, so the other night when he wanted to make bacon, he took the griddle outside and plugged it in on the patio to cook it! haha He is so, so excited and always asks how the baby's doing, I love how happy and excited he is.

At first he was calling the baby joey, not as in a boy's name (he's actually convinced it's a girl), but like a baby kangaroo! haha but lately he's been calling the baby a little fox. We have acquired several fox baby things, and plan on decorating the nursery with a Fantastic Mr. Fox theme. Since we will be moving in August, we won't get to do any nursery things until then! I hope I can hold out that long!

I started making a list this week of all the things I'll need for a baby and it is soooo stressful and overwhelming. I was texting all my sisters a million questions to get their opinions and I'm so sure I'm going to forget so many things! Babies require a LOT of things. Big things. Things that only do one thing. So if you have any suggestions on brands, must-have items, anything like that, let me know! I need all the help I can get!

Weeks 5-8

last year, when we started trying for a baby, i started a journal, and have stayed very diligent in writing about everything. i wanted to share a recap of what i remember and wrote down about these earlier weeks, so here are some summaries, week by week.

5 WEEKS | I was starting to feel nauseous, it wasn't just during certain times in the day, it was pretty much just a dull, constant feeling of being sick to my stomach. My appetite really changed, and I didn't necessarily start having cravings or aversions, it was just mostly that nothing ever sounded good, but when something did, I wanted to eat it!

I was on a bit of a high, and thinking about my little sesame seed sized (!!!) baby got me through the long days at work! I still just couldn't even believe this was happening.

at 5 weeks, the baby was the size of a sesame seed! i remember being so psyched about that, but now it seems SO tiny!

6 WEEKS | Devin and I started the workout program at the gym called Momentum Athlete. I was excited to have a class to go to, that would keep my active throughout the pregnancy, and was glad Devin would be doing it with me! Our trainer, Cass, was the first person we told about the pregnancy. We needed him to be in the loop so he could make sure I was being safe, and he would have me moderate some of the moves, without letting on to the rest of the class! I was much more confident in working out, knowing my trainer wouldn't let me do anything that could potentially harm the baby, so I'm really glad we told him, even though it was so early.

The nausea was still basically constant, and by this week, I was already fed up with it! I remember one night feeling so sick and so uncomfortable. Nothing would give me any relief, and I was just laying in bed, crying, and Devin gave me a quick blessing. It was short and sweet and made all the difference. It is one of my favorite moments about my pregnancy so far. I feel so blessed to be bringing a baby into a home that is guarded by the priesthood, and a worthy father that can bless both the baby and myself, at a moment's notice. It means so much to me that my kids will have a father that can protect them in ways that I can't.

I also told my boss that I was pregnant this week, because my nausea was keeping me from work! I felt like such a baby, but taking a day off when it got too hard ever couple weeks has been my saving grace! I don't know what I would have done without that extra rest, and she was so understanding, and still has been awesome about it all! Even now, I still wonder how women do this! It's hard to work full time and be pregnant! If anybody has any tips for getting through an 8 hour day, please let me know! It still hasn't gotten much easier!

cooper has that animal intuition, and he definitely knows i'm pregnant, and has from the very beginning! he's always been a mama's boy, but he's been especially clingy to me ever since the baby. he has also started resting his head on my stomach, which he had never done before, but now he lays like this almost any time i'm laying down. i call it "sibling bonding time" haha he's gonna be a good big brother!

7 WEEKS | I was having a lot of anxiety by this time, as we approached 8 weeks. I miscarried at 8 1/2 weeks with my last pregnancy, and was so, so nervous about that happening again.

This week, one of my best friends, Danica, had her baby. I remember thinking how fast it went by! It seemed like she was just telling me her news and here she was in labor! That gave me tons of motivation and hope that I could make it to October!

Toward the tail end of this week, I had a major sushi craving (not necessarily blaming the pregnancy for this one, because sushi cravings have always come and gone!), but I knew sushi and raw fish consumption were a hot topic with pregnancy. Devin and I went to Kobe, our favorite sushi place, and sat at the bar where the owner, our friend Mike was making sushi. We told him I was pregnant, and craving sushi and he hooked me up with delicious, safe to eat, OBGYN approved rolls! He gave me a lot of information and things to think about when it comes to eating things like sushi while pregnant, and I definitely felt just fine eating a few rolls!

first ultrasound! that teeny tiny little blur is our baby! at 8 weeks, the baby was the size of a raspberry!

8 WEEKS | This week was Valentine's! We spent the weekend in Logan skiing and it was so much fun! I had my first official morning sickness moment, just a few hours after we got home, and threw up my breakfast from that morning. I haven't thrown up since (mostly just because I absolutely hate throwing up and avoid it at all costs - it's actually pretty impressive, the lengths i'll go to just to avoid puking!), but I do gag and dry heave almost every day (especially when I brush my teeth), so that's really fun!

At this point, we also made a Pregnancy Verification appointment with the Fetal Foto Studio in the Southtowne Mall in Sandy. Chloe had sent me a coupon and for $25 they would do an ultrasound, listen to the heartbeat and give us a few pictures!


drinking water to try and fill my bladder in the food court - i was so mad and felt so sick!

I have to write this story down because it's so hilarious! We really wanted to do this pregnancy verification appointment because both Devin and I were still having such a hard time believing all of this was really happening! We knew we would feel better after getting an ultrasound. My OBGYN doesn't see patients until 10 weeks, and doesn't do an ultrasound until the gender check, which would be at 16 weeks at the earliest! So we knew $25 was worth it to reassure ourselves that this was real! When you're this early on and you get an ultrasound, they ask you to do in with a full bladder, so they can see your uterus easier, or... something. I knew this because I had an ultrasound the day I found out I was miscarrying in October, and they asked me to come with a full bladder, just like the Fetal Foto Studio did. So I avoided going to the bathroom all morning and drank a bunch of water on our way there.

When we got there, the place looks pretty... sketchy. And tacky, haha it looked like a preschool! I thought it was a little strange, and felt pretty weird about it, but whatever. It was $25, and I wanted to see our baby! After a few minutes the... "doctor" came out. He was wearing jeans and a scrub top and smelled like strong cologne. He said "I am European doctor from Lithuania." - in a very thick accent. He spoke very broken english and it was funny, but also so weird! I laid down on the table and he spent several minutes trying to find the baby, with no luck. He finally pulled my bladder up on the screen and scolded me, saying it wasn't full enough. He kicked us out! hahaha he told us to go to the food court and drink some water and come back in half an hour. I felt so dumb, and all of this was just so weird!

It was only 10:30 but Devin was starving so he got some Japanese food and I got a 32oz ice water and drank it as fast as I could. I was feeling SO sick and the cold water was making me shiver. I was miserable! Finally at 11:00, we went back and he found the baby almost right away. He was also much more pleased with the size of my bladder, which is the giant, dark blob on the left side of the picture, haha! We only got to hear the heartbeat for a few seconds, maybe 4-5 beats, and it was at 140, which he said was perfect for this stage.

He said he was measuring the baby to be only 7 weeks, so exactly 1 week behind. Part of this makes sense, and I'm not going to be surprised if they push my due date back a week, because it did also take 5 days to get a positive pregnancy test! But also... this guy was a weirdo, and I don't even know if he's a real doctor, so what does he know?! I have also heard it's very hard to accurately measure that early, because moving the mouse by just a hair can change the baby's age by a week or so! I guess we'll find out in a few weeks for sure, though!

This appointment was worth it for us, just to be reassured, and to tide us over until our first real appointment, but it was so weird and shady that I don't know that I'd ever go again! It makes for a funny story, though! Oh my gosh, he also said that the baby's face LOOKED LIKE A GIRL.... what. It's face? That tiny blurry blob looks like a girl to you, doc? Alright, crazy...! hahaha! (we told our real doctor this a couple weeks later and she thought it was hilarious! she said she isn't so sure that guy can be trusted with much...haha!)

Also at 8 weeks, I passed the place I was at with my first pregnancy, before I miscarried, which was 8 weeks, 3 days. I spent that entire day on eggshells, just feeling so nervous (even though I knew even if I were to miscarry, the likelihood of it happening at the exact same stage again were pretty slim, i just couldn't help it. It was a hard day.) But I passed it, and things have been so far, so good!

Finding Out

At the end of January, we were in St. George vacationing with Devin's family. The day before we left,  a Wednesday, I was supposed to get my period, and didn't. After nearly a year of tracking my cycles, I had become pretty predictable, and being off by a day wasn't that weird. I expected I would start Thursday, the day I was going to St. George. Devin had some stuff going on at work that weekend and wouldn't be coming down until Saturday morning, so I rode down with Sean and Chloe and expected to start some time that day. Thursday morning, when Devin and I woke up, I decided to take a test, just to settle my mind before the trip. I had made up my mind that if it was negative, it was a sign, and I would try focusing on something else for awhile, and "stop trying", just so we could have a break from the exhausting routine of trying and waiting, trying and waiting.

I remember my heart pounding out of my chest as I walked into that bathroom that morning, and staring at the test as it blinked, processing, which was a little uncharacteristic for me, since usually I couldn't bear to watch!

Not Pregnant. 

I took a deep breath and went back to bed. I wasn't going to cry. This was a sign. Let's focus on something different. Let's get our minds off of it for awhile. This isn't the end of the world. I didn't have to say anything, and Devin knew, and when he rolled over and put his arms around me, of course, I cried! I just got it out of my system and then got back up a few minutes later to finish packing and head to Sean & Chloe's.

All day Thursday, during the drive, settling into the condo we were staying at, and dinner: nothing. I thought that was a little odd, but attributed that to the miscarriage. It had only been two months, and I'm sure my body was still struggling to get back to a routine. It had to be that. 

Same thing on Friday: nothing! I was starting to get so confused, and texted Devin to pack some pregnancy tests, so I could test when he came down the next day, just to be sure.

Saturday came and went, and still no period. Devin had arrived that afternoon, just before lunch, but I knew I would want to wait to test until the morning (it's supposed to be the best time to take a pregnancy test, because that's when your HCG levels are highest). I resolved to wait, even though I was so confused and curious!

Sunday morning, I took a test, and it went about the same as Thursday, pounding chest, staring contest with the small screen: Not Pregnant. 

WHAT?!?!

At this point, I was so confused. This was getting weird. Something wasn't right? Did I need to call my doctor and tell her? Was this something to do with the miscarriage? I tried not to think about it and just move on. I'd worry about it when we were home again. We were having such a great trip, and I didn't want to miss out on the fun worrying about what was going on!

The rest of Sunday AND all day Monday, still nothing. At this point, I was 5 days late. Devin's parent's left on Monday and it was just us, and Sean & Chloe with Ben left at the condo. 

On Tuesday morning, we all woke up early to leave, so we could be home by lunch. Devin got up before me to shower and get ready and when he came back into our room, he pulled another test out of his bag. He asked me if I wanted to take it, and I laughed and said it would be a waste! He gave me a "it couldn't hurt" look, and I grabbed it and went to the bathroom. "I'll humor you!". 

I set the test on the counter and went on with my morning routine, while Devin got ready beside me. After awhile, I looked down at the test and did a double take. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. 

PREGNANT. 

I held up the test, "DEVIN." as he looked over and read the result, his eyes got huge and he swooped me up in to the biggest hug and I burst into tears, "I don't know if I believe it!" 

We were SO happy, and really truly just couldn't BELIEVE it! 

Over the next few weeks, I took every test I still had at home, just because both Devin and I were having the hardest time believing it. It was so surreal. Every test was positive, and it slowly began sinking in! 

When we found out, I was 4 weeks, 5 days. We were able to calculate the due date pretty easily (that's the kind of stuff you get good at after a year of trying, haha): October 1, 2015.

It seemed like almost immediately after we found out, I started getting sick, haha! The entire drive back home, I was feeling nauseous, and continued to feel sick the entire first trimester! 

I am exactly 4 months behind my sister, Kelli, who is having a little girl in June, and about 6 weeks being my sister in law, Chloe, who is having a boy in August! I'm so excited this baby will have cousins their age, and so happy I've got my sisters to keep me sane and teach me everything I need to know about pregnancy!

This kid is already getting a reputation for being a little stinker, so I think we're in for it, haha!